Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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