Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
