Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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