did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
