Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
being pregnant is like rehab
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
