Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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