things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Randomize
