yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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