I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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