True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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