As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Randomize
