does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
