hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
