Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
