I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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