You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
