I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
