The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I think my nap took me to another dimension
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
