so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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