marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
