I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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