you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
