A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
