You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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