are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
