so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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