I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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