I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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