if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
