Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
