thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
