1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
