can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize