and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
