If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
