Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
