Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
