i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
