i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
