I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
