i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize