chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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