we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
