and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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