I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You're like the curious george of whores
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
