Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
