im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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