Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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