I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
