Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
