we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
