You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize