It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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