I got chris browned last night
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
