i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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