i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
