whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
