I love black thongs
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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