swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
