ADVERTISEMENT

• (319): View more from Iowa

  Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts

  Fav 51 5390 1243

  share tweet
  

• (612): View more from Minnesota

  I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  again?

  Fav 11 1345 5165

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (815): View more from Illinois

  i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried

  Fav 6 3832 1262

  share tweet
  

• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on

  Fav 4 3409 1033

  share tweet
  

• (540): View more from Virginia

  Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for

  Fav 8 2442 797

  share tweet
  

• (519): View more from Ontario

  yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?

  Fav 5 2572 911

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (305): View more from Florida

  The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.

  Fav 9 2830 1052

  share tweet
  

• (613): View more from Ontario

  As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.

  Fav 14 857 3151

  share tweet
  

• (250): View more from British Columbia

  Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.

  Fav 4 881 549

  share tweet
  

• (512): View more from Texas

  my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear

  Fav 2 1086 638

  share tweet
  

• (310): View more from California

  I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks

  (310): View more from California

  Like what do you want from me

  Fav 4 781 521

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (936): View more from Texas

  There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol

  Fav 7 894 742

  share tweet
  

• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today

  Fav 0 56 4

  share tweet
  

• (415): View more from California

  "keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"

  Fav 1 9 37

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (479): View more from Arkansas

  Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.

  Fav 0 14 30

  share tweet
  

Randomize