Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
