Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
