I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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