It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
