i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
