I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Houston, we have a blender
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
