I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
