Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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