I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm always down for nudity.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
