had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
