I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
