I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
