wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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