My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
