So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
