Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
