38 yer olds are good kisserssss
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
