Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
