watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
