Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize