Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
