Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
