i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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